Someone passed this along to me a while back and asked me to write a bulletin about it, l suppose because they were interested on what I might say:

I grew up with an alcoholic family, with some also addicted to drugs. I tried to help those who were down on their luck the best way I knew how, but it's hard to know how much to help. In spite of many years of giving money and other kinds of help for a particular family member, there is lately so much anger and bitterness. This person told me I was heartless and rude, so I had to finally cut myself off from her. She made me feel so guilty for not just continuing the handouts. How does one know not to help anymore? What is the right thing to do? I feel like a weak person, and I am sure there is a lesson

in this.

I thought about this a couple weeks before I did anything with it. My opinion, based on experience, is that it is natural to love our family members and expressing disapproval or, in their words, judgment, is very hard to do. The easy thing is to just throw money at them and let them wallow in their destructive ways, hoping they will magically "see the light" and get tired of the lifestyle they have chosen. Unfortunately that is not the loving way to treat them. I believe we simply cannot provide support for them hurt themselves. But ok, that's just me, what might the bible say about it?

I am reminded of the prodigal son. He wanted to "take his money and run" being, so it seems, sick of the old man and home. He went off and spent spent spent, but when the money was gone everyone left him and only came to his senses after he had an empty belly and no friends. I know folks who say repentance like that is not sincere, that we must simply gush over God and love him and that is true repentance. I disagree. The same book that tells me of the wonders of heaven is quick to remind me of the punishment of hell. I am encouraged to love God just as much as I am encouraged to fear being burned. Either way, if the father had used western union and sent paycheck after paycheck to his wayward son, it would not have brought about the happy ending the boy so desperately needed.

Eli's sons did great evil in God's sight, in their service at the temple. However Eli, other than asking them to stop, did nothing about it. Because of that he and his sons were killed by God and Samuel took over as priest. There's an example where the evil done was not corrected, and those who lovingly stood by were destroyed too. Doesn't this sound just a little like the Corinthian letter we are studying Sunday mornings?

I am also reminded of the story of Gomer. Remember her? She was the wife of Hosea. As the story goes, she ran off and the prophet "empowered" her by protecting her and paying for her needs. Assuming it was good fortune from her many lovers, she lived a lifestyle as a harlot, a destructive lifestyle that eventually robbed her of her good looks. When they ran out on her, so did all her lovers. That was the time that her husband stopped secretly supporting her, and her calamity was great. Penniless and unwanted, In a way she tried to sell herself as a slave lest she starve to death. But who bought her? Why, the one who loved her all along, her husband. Who, it appears, quietly took her home.

We know this is an analogy of God's love for us. God wants to protect us in spite of ourselves, and provides us with many blessings. But when we choose to live a destructive lifestyle, he turns us over to our bad desires and choices and in a big way CUTS US OFF. That is after all the point of withdrawing from someone. If we love them, we must do this because it is the only way, and it is God's way, for someone stubborn to save themselves from total destruction before it is too late.

God helps those that help themselves. But he doesn't harm those that harm themselves. They do it to themselves! If he doesn't, why should we?

Randy