How to love your wife #5

Love her romantically. I know, I know - you say, “Is this the kind of stuff that should appear in a church bulletin!!!? Isn’t this something you learn from novels, romance books, soap operas, etc.?” Heaven forbid! Those are the very last places we should look for instruction on married love. But someone says, surely the Lord doesn’t devote time in His holy word to such base and frivolous aspects of marriage! Wrong again! Try reading the Song of Solomon. A whole entire book is devoted to the romantic part of marriage. Courtship, weddings, honeymoon, overcoming problems, married life – that little book runs the gamut of what makes a good marriage better.

I would say, the very best way to learn to love your wife romantically is to study the Song of Solomon and absorb the ways he loved his bride.

Note how he talked to her and about her: 1:15; 2:4; 4:1-7,9-11

Note his caresses: 2:6

His love gifts: 2:10-13

His occupation with her: 2:9

His preference of her. 2:2; 6:8-9

His intense desire to know her better, to look into her eyes, to hear her voice. 1:14

Yes, I know. If you read it you may think it is a bit sappy. But truth is, Solomon was enamored with his wife, and she with him. Was their marriage perfect, flawless, without glitches? No. It was true to life, they had some troubles (5:2-8). But what is neat is how quickly and diligently they both worked to resolve conflict and return to the former status (5:8-6:11). They enjoyed the joy of married love too much to let something interfere with it indefinitely.

God does not give us a pie in the sky sort of unrealistic view of marriage. Yes, it is the ideal, but it is attainable because it is God’s will for His children. The question is: do we have faith to follow every aspect of God’s instruction? Or do we have a faith that doesn’t work! The lack of luster and vibrancy and excitement in our marriage may be due to a dead faith. Is that too harsh? Well, can’t we be like Jonah on the boat to Tarsus sometimes? We profess to serve the God of heaven and earth, but then we pay little or no attention to following His divine word on some of His most practical wisdom for life.

The truth is, our wives have a great need to be loved romantically. One person said, when lovers become husbands, they sometimes forget how to be romantic – the very thing their wives desire.

One wife said, “I need proof that there is something inherently lovable in me” (Quoted from Ed Wheat’s Staying in Love for a Lifetime). If you take time to read the Song of Solomon ,you’ll find that is exactly what Solomon’s girl needed – reassurance that she was unique, lovable, and that there was no competition (1:5-6, 2:16; 6:3; 7:10). How much reassurance does your wife get?

Without a doubt, romantic love achieves its goal ONLY within the boundaries of God’s plan for marriage (Hebrews 13:4), but we should recognize it as His gift to each spouse, given in order to lighten the burdens of this life (Ecclesiastes 9:9).

Mike