I had a revelation at lunch the other day!

I was at lunch with a friend who says he doesn’t understand the bible. I talked with him about it for a while and he was very impressed with my bible knowledge, limited as it is. “The thing is,” he told me, “I never learned Latin.” Huh? Turns out the reason he doesn’t understand the bible is because he doesn’t read it, he just hears it, apparently at a very traditional catholic service somewhere.

My revelation, once I explained to my friend that there are English versions of the bible – say King James for instance – and that Latin is NOT the language the bible was written in originally, is that sometimes people just plain speak different even when you think you’re talking the same language. For instance, here’s sort of a business man’s version of scripture:

Ok, the product is salvation. Research has shown that everyone wants it but few are willing to pay the price. The trend analysis based on market study shows a very low percentage of consumers make the final acquisition, even though there are large amounts of advertising such as mentioning the Lords name in vain. It’s a monopoly product with no real competing item, and saturation is 100% - it is literally available to everyone due to unlimited production by the manufacturer. Still, supply far exceeds demand not based on the quality of the product (which is extremely high) but the desires of the consumer. The price tag, faith and obedience, is actually very low. Studies show paying this cost over time becomes increasingly difficult, whereas the final price if not paid on schedule balloons to an unaffordable level. Early payment, however, gains interest in a heavenly bank account which is non-transferable and not FDIC insured.

How about this?

Salvation, my friend, is cosmic. The man, God, will blow your mind. The bread you need is faith and obedience, sounds square but I dig it. Dude, not going to heaven is a bad trip, bringin’ me down. What a bummer! Cats and chicks, centering is a cop out, cool it. Hip is heaven, and the trip is far out, dig? Don’t flip out, there’s free love from the Son and it’s not a downer. Get into it, and get real! No more bellbottoms or granny glasses required. Groovy!

Or how about this for the much older?

Hey bell bottom! Close the bank, baby vamp. Don’t get balled up, the big cheese, God, wants you to stop being bunny and catch an earful of goods. No hooey, get hip to the jive without an icy mitt. Jake! Don’t get left holding the bag with a lollygagger. Mind God’s potatoes, stop punching the bag and go for the orchid. You’ll be water-proof, not a face stretcher; no longer on the lamb!

Yikes!

Randy